I must say, I am really disappointed.
After all my struggling these past few weeks, I’ve finally started to get back on track. (I plan on writing a post about that slippery slope.) With food, in particular, I’ve been very responsible. I’ve prepared ahead and frozen the portions for later in time. Thank God, I didn’t have any slips yesterday. Finally!!!
Today, like any other day, I prepared my lunch as my breakfast was cooking on the stove. I woke up a few minutes late so I figured I’d keep it simple. I peeled 4 eggs (I don’t eat too many yolks). I sliced and bagged an orange pepper and a plum tomato. And, very gratefully, I took a baked sweet potato (yum!) out of the fridge. It’s been a while since I was able to get my act together like this, but on Monday night I actually baked a whole bunch of sweet potatoes for lunch this week. It’s a perfect option for me. I like to eat it, it’s relatively hassle-free to make, and they last in the fridge all week long. I’ve done it numerous times.
I’m not sure why, but I was hungry early today. But, sticking to my schedule, I didn’t go to eat until 1:45. I left the sweet potato for last because it’s a bit messier than the other foods. But before I even opened it I saw that some of the juice had spilled. And it was a whitish color. That did not bode well. Sure enough, when I unwrapped it there was a white film coating my long awaited sweet potato, and a pretty bad odor emanating from it. There went the rest of my lunch.
The real problem is that it was my carb for that meal. Without a carb I stay hungry and I’m not really full enough. Also, my blood sugar drops low and I can get lightheaded from it. Being that I commute over an hour each way to work, I can’t just go home and get another one. I also don’t know the neighborhood I’m in. My office is right off the exit from the highway so I’ve never seen the town. Additionally, it’s not in a very safe neighborhood and I’d be hesitant to go around this town. Add to that, I have no clue what I would even buy! I’d need a prepared, kosher food that doesn’t have flour, sugar, artificial sweetener, or white potato. Kind of limiting all the options.
So here I am, more than 4 hours away from my supper… I’m hungry and a bit grumpy. I keep telling myself that there is a bigger plan at play here. That my Higher Power wants me to skip this carb for lunch. But then, that insidious voice of addiction sneaks in saying, “Well, then, you can have 2 portions of carbs for supper!”
Those are dangerous waters. Volume is a problem for me. I can’t afford to lose my commitment to my sobriety in order to maintain my serenity.
So here I am, impatiently waiting for the day to end so that can go home and eat. I’ve gotta figure out a backup food in case it happens to me again. All suggestions welcome!
Have a serene and fulfilling day,