Tag Archives: oa recovery

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Can I Really Get Sober?

Can I get real sobriety?

This is a very weighty question. I know I want it, but it seems to me that I just can’t get it. When I strengthen myself in one, I somehow manage to act on another.

I’ve got 15 days since I had my last slip in SA. Yet, I’ve been all over the place with the food. Yesterday I did something I couldn’t imagine I’d ever do. I ate 28 oatmeal cookies. Granted, they weren’t regular cookies. I used a recipe that I found here (I used the version the author made). But I still ate an entire batch. And, yes! My stomach is really hurting me today… Continue reading Can I Really Get Sober?

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What is Counted as a Relapse?

re·lapse

noun \ri-ˈlaps, ˈrē-ˌ\

-the return of an illness after a period of improvement
-a return to bad behavior that you had stopped doing

1: the act or an instance of backsliding, worsening, or subsiding
2:  a recurrence of symptoms of a disease after a period of improvement

I hate that word! Continue reading What is Counted as a Relapse?

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Recovery Acronyms

I’ve always liked acronyms. Starting in 3rd grade with R.O.Y. G. B.I.V. and through college and work, and beyond (DNA, RNA, GPS, GNSS, MIA, ETA, AWOL…). So, when I came into recovery I took to using acronyms like a fish to water. We all know that recovery is full of them, but I remember the moment that I understood just how important they can be.

I was with my first AA sponsor, Robin. She had this little frog on the dashboard of her car. I never mentioned it because I assumed she just had a thing for frogs. Continue reading Recovery Acronyms

What do I do with a spoiled lunch?

I must say, I am really disappointed.

After all my struggling these past few weeks, I’ve finally started to get back on track. (I plan on writing a post about that slippery slope.) With food, in particular, I’ve been very responsible. I’ve prepared ahead and frozen the portions for later in time. Thank God, I didn’t have any slips yesterday. Finally!!!

Today, like any other day, I prepared my lunch as my breakfast was cooking on the stove. I woke up a few minutes late so I figured I’d keep it simple. Continue reading What do I do with a spoiled lunch?

Daily Questions for Recovery

Daily Sobriety Renewal Checklist*

These questions are shared between recovery partners at the beginning of the day.

checkAre you willing to admit you are powerless over lust and sexual acting out/food/alcohol/drug of choice just for today?

checkDo you desire sobriety for the next 24 hours: freedom from obsession and acting out, freedom from fear, resentment, shame, and isolation?

checkAre you willing to do whatever is necessary to protect this desire?

checkAnd, just for today, are you willing, with me, to hand over your will and the care of your life to God?

checkDid anything happen in the last 24 hours that we need to bring into the open?

checkAre you aware of anything in your plans for the next 24 hours of which you might become ashamed? Any danger zones, slippery spots on the horizon we should bring to the light?

checkClose by exchanging at least one gratitude.

* Taken from the SA newsletter: The Essay

 

 

 

 

 

 

Surrender

Surrender: Can I really “give it over”?

Surrender

In the very beginning of my recovery journey, I had a very difficult time understanding what surrendering means in recovery. I only ever new it in an interpersonal context. Like when General Lee’s surrender to General Grant. Or even in a philosophical way, as in when I surrender to my desires (alcoholic, food, sexual, painful, or the like). Surrender always had a negative connotation when it was me that needed to surrender. In my mind my surrender equaled the “other side’s” victory. They were mutually exclusive.

Foggy_visionHere I was being told just the opposite. I was told that if I surrender than I become the victor. I had an extremely difficult time wrapping my mind around that. The fact that I was still “hazy” from alcohol may have contributed to that, but long after I had dried out I was still in the mental fog and emotional blur that takes more time to clear. But even after that had lifted for the most part, I couldn’t understand how surrender could equate victory, nor how in the world I was supposed to go about achieving it. Continue reading Surrender: Can I really “give it over”?

Drama, Drama, Drama

The next installment of the soap opera, though I must admit, thankfully, it could have been a whole lot more dramatic!

best_friends_forever___sketch_by_taskedangel-d5ls8yiYesterday was the bar mitzvah. I started my day off by going to an AA meeting at 9 am. I’m so happy I did! I got to see Johnna. Johnna’s an old friend from my original homegroup where I got sober. As with most of the people from that meeting, I haven’t seen her in over a year. My other friend, Marion, is filling the chairperson seat of that meeting this term. She and Johnna are super close, so it really shouldn’t’ve surprised me that Marion asked Johnna to speak. I just didn’t expect it. Of course she completely did not recognize me at all. When she realized who I was (“I’m Judy, and I’m an alcoholic…”) she got super excited! It was a great start for a long day. Continue reading Drama, Drama, Drama

To Let Go and Let God

Surrender

As promised, here are 2 relatively recent stories that depict my surrender and how, when I can get to that place and am able to let Him, God takes over.

The first goes back to a little over 2 years ago. It was June of 2012. I had been out of a job for about 6 months. I was falling deeper and deeper into debt. I had stopped going to school, hoping that I’d heal in therapy and get a full-time job to help me pull through financially. Each month had come and gone. I wasn’t making ends meet, to the point that I seriously did not have enough money to cover the minimums on my credit cards. If my cards were frozen I wouldn’t be able to by anything, including my meds. Continue reading To Let Go and Let God

Doing the Next Right Thing

I’m trying. I really am.

It’s time to come clean (so to speak, anyway). Two nights ago I binged. Well, I didn’t lose my time because I only ate foods that are on my food plan, but I sure ate too much. I had a few extra ounces of chicken, 4 bananas, 3 nectarines, and a plum, all of which were more than I was allowed to have… And it scared me something awful. I haven’t slipped like this yet in OA. Even last week’s slip was minor compared to this. And it felt miserable. I was such a basket case that I didn’t know what to do with myself. The way I stopped was by texting my therapist (I’m going to call her Lilly for anonymity’s sake). That’s when she got on the phone with me. And she talked to me until I was committed to not doing anything stupid. Continue reading Doing the Next Right Thing

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What’s Cheating? Lesson Learned!

So, yeah… I had a slip in my OA  recovery


Now I’ve gotten this question many times, what’s considered cheating for you? For all non-addicts out there, know this. For an addict, 100% abstinence is needed in order to maintain recovery. And for all of you who aren’t food addicts, know that with food I have 2 areas that I need to maintain abstinence. The first is trigger foods. For me that is sugar, flour, white potatoes, and cornmeal. The second is volume binging (yes, I’ve used the coined slang).  That means either eating too much, and sometimes even just eating too fast. Normally, when I eat too fast I can catch myself and slow down. But overeating… uh uh uh! Not a good thing ever. I also need to be careful to not under-eat (!!!). Sometimes, if I am too lazy to add the extra drop to get the exact weight I end up hearing my addiction telling me, “Come on… You were missing 0.6 oz. You can have a drop more to fill the quota.” Additionally, if I wait too long to eat (if I’m on the road or out shopping), I end up eating way too quickly. Continue reading What’s Cheating? Lesson Learned!