Category Archives: SA Recovery

Untitled

Pet Peeve: Insurance (continued)

So in my last insurance post I told you about the drama with my claims for therapy. Today I want to talk about my claim for rehab.

Before going to rehab I checked with my insurance to find out what sort of coverage I’d get. I was told that so long as I got pre-authorization I’d have my standard coverage. That meant that once I met my deductible they’d cover 70/30 of the allowed cost, and when I reached my out of pocket limit they’d cover 100% of the allowed cost.

Well, the rehab was really good about getting the pre-authorizations. First they covered two weeks and then it went on a week to week basis. I got the authorizations for my entire stay.

Once I got home, it did take time until I got the invoice from the rehab, but once I did, I promptly submitted it to AmeriHealth. I didn’t hear back from them for over a month. I had already gotten responses on my therapy claims that I had submitted after that claim (all of which were declined…). Continue reading Pet Peeve: Insurance (continued)

url

Can I Really Get Sober?

Can I get real sobriety?

This is a very weighty question. I know I want it, but it seems to me that I just can’t get it. When I strengthen myself in one, I somehow manage to act on another.

I’ve got 15 days since I had my last slip in SA. Yet, I’ve been all over the place with the food. Yesterday I did something I couldn’t imagine I’d ever do. I ate 28 oatmeal cookies. Granted, they weren’t regular cookies. I used a recipe that I found here (I used the version the author made). But I still ate an entire batch. And, yes! My stomach is really hurting me today… Continue reading Can I Really Get Sober?

Untitled

What is Counted as a Relapse?

re·lapse

noun \ri-ˈlaps, ˈrē-ˌ\

-the return of an illness after a period of improvement
-a return to bad behavior that you had stopped doing

1: the act or an instance of backsliding, worsening, or subsiding
2:  a recurrence of symptoms of a disease after a period of improvement

I hate that word! Continue reading What is Counted as a Relapse?

Im-Sorry-Post-It-1

Step 9: Made Direct Amends to Such People Wherever Possible (Part 2)

Dave is my brother-in-law.

Straight from the get-go things were always a bit awkward between us. I used to chalk it up to a chemistry thing. I’m not so sure about that, though. I have a feeling that my sister told him about our sexual acting out and the general dysfunction of our relationship. And I don’t hold that against her at all. It’s just the facts.

Additionally, Dave, much like myself, has a very strong personality. I also know that he has some “history” that he came to the marriage with, Continue reading Step 9: Made Direct Amends to Such People Wherever Possible (Part 2)

steps

Step 9: Made Direct Amends to Such People Wherever Possible (Part 1)

Asking My Ego to Never Deny Something

Yeah, that’s a huge part of my 8th and 9th steps. When my E.G.O. steps in, it’s a clear indication that I’m Easing God Out of my life (Good Orderly Direction). That is the ultimate denial of everything that I hold dear in my recovery and healing.

As long as I am not willing to make amends with someone, I am denying the reality of my responsibility in what occurred. And so long as I deny that, I can not move on and past it. I can not forgive myself.

It’s not easy coming to a place that you can actually do all this. Continue reading Step 9: Made Direct Amends to Such People Wherever Possible (Part 1)

6

Recovery Acronyms

I’ve always liked acronyms. Starting in 3rd grade with R.O.Y. G. B.I.V. and through college and work, and beyond (DNA, RNA, GPS, GNSS, MIA, ETA, AWOL…). So, when I came into recovery I took to using acronyms like a fish to water. We all know that recovery is full of them, but I remember the moment that I understood just how important they can be.

I was with my first AA sponsor, Robin. She had this little frog on the dashboard of her car. I never mentioned it because I assumed she just had a thing for frogs. Continue reading Recovery Acronyms

local-bank

Priorities: Putting Me First

Selfish vs Self-Preservation

Putting Money in the Bank: Putting Me First

I had a very hard time with this concept in the beginning of recovery. I knew family was a priority. I also knew that I’d do whatever it takes to protect my priorities. Or so I thought.

I would do anything for anyone that I cared about so long as it didn’t contradict my moral compass. I’d do it even if it meant giving up what I had or wanted. I’d go all out. I always tried to remove myself from the equation. That was selfless, no? Continue reading Priorities: Putting Me First

Slippery-Slope

Why Do I Half-Measure?

Half Measures Availed us Nothing: The Slippery Slope

If I’m told that half-measures availed us nothing, how come I still do it? This is a million dollar question.

When I start getting into my own head (aka obsessing) everything becomes blurred. In a few short minutes I can go from a seemingly rational, intelligent (if I may say so myself!) woman to a bumbling buffoon. Seriously. Suddenly the idea of an extra fruit seems completely rational. The same goes for surfing online. It all seems like if I just do it a little bit, I’ll be able to pass the time without getting into trouble. Continue reading Why Do I Half-Measure?

Daily Questions for Recovery

Daily Sobriety Renewal Checklist*

These questions are shared between recovery partners at the beginning of the day.

checkAre you willing to admit you are powerless over lust and sexual acting out/food/alcohol/drug of choice just for today?

checkDo you desire sobriety for the next 24 hours: freedom from obsession and acting out, freedom from fear, resentment, shame, and isolation?

checkAre you willing to do whatever is necessary to protect this desire?

checkAnd, just for today, are you willing, with me, to hand over your will and the care of your life to God?

checkDid anything happen in the last 24 hours that we need to bring into the open?

checkAre you aware of anything in your plans for the next 24 hours of which you might become ashamed? Any danger zones, slippery spots on the horizon we should bring to the light?

checkClose by exchanging at least one gratitude.

* Taken from the SA newsletter: The Essay

 

 

 

 

 

 

Surrender

Surrender: Can I really “give it over”?

Surrender

In the very beginning of my recovery journey, I had a very difficult time understanding what surrendering means in recovery. I only ever new it in an interpersonal context. Like when General Lee’s surrender to General Grant. Or even in a philosophical way, as in when I surrender to my desires (alcoholic, food, sexual, painful, or the like). Surrender always had a negative connotation when it was me that needed to surrender. In my mind my surrender equaled the “other side’s” victory. They were mutually exclusive.

Foggy_visionHere I was being told just the opposite. I was told that if I surrender than I become the victor. I had an extremely difficult time wrapping my mind around that. The fact that I was still “hazy” from alcohol may have contributed to that, but long after I had dried out I was still in the mental fog and emotional blur that takes more time to clear. But even after that had lifted for the most part, I couldn’t understand how surrender could equate victory, nor how in the world I was supposed to go about achieving it. Continue reading Surrender: Can I really “give it over”?