Monthly Archives: September 2014


What is Counted as a Relapse?


noun \ri-ˈlaps, ˈrē-ˌ\

-the return of an illness after a period of improvement
-a return to bad behavior that you had stopped doing

1: the act or an instance of backsliding, worsening, or subsiding
2:  a recurrence of symptoms of a disease after a period of improvement

I hate that word! Continue reading What is Counted as a Relapse?


Step 9: Made Direct Amends to Such People Wherever Possible (Part 2)

Dave is my brother-in-law.

Straight from the get-go things were always a bit awkward between us. I used to chalk it up to a chemistry thing. I’m not so sure about that, though. I have a feeling that my sister told him about our sexual acting out and the general dysfunction of our relationship. And I don’t hold that against her at all. It’s just the facts.

Additionally, Dave, much like myself, has a very strong personality. I also know that he has some “history” that he came to the marriage with, Continue reading Step 9: Made Direct Amends to Such People Wherever Possible (Part 2)


Step 9: Made Direct Amends to Such People Wherever Possible (Part 1)

Asking My Ego to Never Deny Something

Yeah, that’s a huge part of my 8th and 9th steps. When my E.G.O. steps in, it’s a clear indication that I’m Easing God Out of my life (Good Orderly Direction). That is the ultimate denial of everything that I hold dear in my recovery and healing.

As long as I am not willing to make amends with someone, I am denying the reality of my responsibility in what occurred. And so long as I deny that, I can not move on and past it. I can not forgive myself.

It’s not easy coming to a place that you can actually do all this. Continue reading Step 9: Made Direct Amends to Such People Wherever Possible (Part 1)


Recovery Acronyms

I’ve always liked acronyms. Starting in 3rd grade with R.O.Y. G. B.I.V. and through college and work, and beyond (DNA, RNA, GPS, GNSS, MIA, ETA, AWOL…). So, when I came into recovery I took to using acronyms like a fish to water. We all know that recovery is full of them, but I remember the moment that I understood just how important they can be.

I was with my first AA sponsor, Robin. She had this little frog on the dashboard of her car. I never mentioned it because I assumed she just had a thing for frogs. Continue reading Recovery Acronyms


Priorities: Putting Me First

Selfish vs Self-Preservation

Putting Money in the Bank: Putting Me First

I had a very hard time with this concept in the beginning of recovery. I knew family was a priority. I also knew that I’d do whatever it takes to protect my priorities. Or so I thought.

I would do anything for anyone that I cared about so long as it didn’t contradict my moral compass. I’d do it even if it meant giving up what I had or wanted. I’d go all out. I always tried to remove myself from the equation. That was selfless, no? Continue reading Priorities: Putting Me First


Why Do I Half-Measure?

Half Measures Availed us Nothing: The Slippery Slope

If I’m told that half-measures availed us nothing, how come I still do it? This is a million dollar question.

When I start getting into my own head (aka obsessing) everything becomes blurred. In a few short minutes I can go from a seemingly rational, intelligent (if I may say so myself!) woman to a bumbling buffoon. Seriously. Suddenly the idea of an extra fruit seems completely rational. The same goes for surfing online. It all seems like if I just do it a little bit, I’ll be able to pass the time without getting into trouble. Continue reading Why Do I Half-Measure?

What do I do with a spoiled lunch?

I must say, I am really disappointed.

After all my struggling these past few weeks, I’ve finally started to get back on track. (I plan on writing a post about that slippery slope.) With food, in particular, I’ve been very responsible. I’ve prepared ahead and frozen the portions for later in time. Thank God, I didn’t have any slips yesterday. Finally!!!

Today, like any other day, I prepared my lunch as my breakfast was cooking on the stove. I woke up a few minutes late so I figured I’d keep it simple. Continue reading What do I do with a spoiled lunch?

Daily Questions for Recovery

Daily Sobriety Renewal Checklist*

These questions are shared between recovery partners at the beginning of the day.

checkAre you willing to admit you are powerless over lust and sexual acting out/food/alcohol/drug of choice just for today?

checkDo you desire sobriety for the next 24 hours: freedom from obsession and acting out, freedom from fear, resentment, shame, and isolation?

checkAre you willing to do whatever is necessary to protect this desire?

checkAnd, just for today, are you willing, with me, to hand over your will and the care of your life to God?

checkDid anything happen in the last 24 hours that we need to bring into the open?

checkAre you aware of anything in your plans for the next 24 hours of which you might become ashamed? Any danger zones, slippery spots on the horizon we should bring to the light?

checkClose by exchanging at least one gratitude.

* Taken from the SA newsletter: The Essay







Infuriating Insurance: Is there such a thing as “Being an Insurance Employee for Dummies”?

And the insurance saga continues…

465_for_dummiesFriday found me on the phone for 1 hour and 55 minutes with the insurance company (I timed it!). The guy was infuriatingly unhelpful. He kept putting me on hold for these really long stretches. Then he started with the “it doesn’t stop by me” mode. I really was losing my patience at that point. I told him over and over again that I know it doesn’t. I said that I got that and I don’t mind being transferred to someone else that can do it for me. Continue reading Infuriating Insurance: Is there such a thing as “Being an Insurance Employee for Dummies”?


Labor Day: What would I do without legal holidays?

Labor Day… Judy Style!

For many people, Labor Day conjures up an image of getting together with family and/or friends. A day at the shore that culminates with a cookout, laughter, and just a hint of dread for the long winter months up ahead. I skipped the family cookout from last night. There was no way I was going to go spend more time with the blood family, at this point. I’m still trying to get back to myself from the after effects of the bar mitzvah. And I don’t have any get togethers with friends. But I did hope to get a lot of stuff done, with my primary concern being to get my car to the mechanic. Continue reading Labor Day: What would I do without legal holidays?